Mr. Health and Ms. Safety

(It isn't, really)

Fear is a bad counsellor, the saying goes. I do not think that piece of conventional wisdom has stopped many people from being influenced by their fears, taking unnecessary precautions, refraining from doing something they would love to do if it weren't for fear of something bad happening. Don't go into the woods tonight!

Fear of being held responsible for mishaps triggers particularly stupid reactions from all kinds of official institutions. Example: the Dutch government spent about 340 million Euro taking measures against the fearsome Mexican flu that was all set to invade us a couple of years ago, to make sure no-one could accuse them of being ill-prepared. I remember we all got extra cleansing fluid and paper towels at the university (which I still occasionally use for cleaning my whiteboard, recouping a fraction of the lost millions). Eventually it transpired that the skeptics were right: the yearly recurring influenza epidemic is about four times as deadly. Next time the government will react in the exact same way.

Lock the fire doors??

In England, the department of Fear is ruled by Mr. Health and Ms. Safety, and the chief technique in their repertoire is to put out warning signs. Any hot water tap warns that the water might be hot, any fire door (of which there are many) is labelled with the caution to keep it closed at all times - sometimes even locked, which is beyond my understanding. Fire is in any case much more on the mind of the English than it is of the Dutch: the fire alarm is tested weekly, next Monday there will be an inspection in my studio, the key card to my studio warns of fire. Twice I have been chased out of an English hotel room because of a spurious fire alarm, outside England this has never happened to me. If I don't get enough sleep due to a fire alarm and cause a traffic accident the next day... no, the discussion is hopeless. You can never move in the direction of abandoning safety measures once they are in place.

Ms. Safety's partner, Mr. Health, also frequently puts in an appearance. Every Tuesday at the department there are home-baked cakes, very good ones too; but you can only contribute if you list the health threats from the ingredients. Is there sugar? artificial colouring? nuts? Put up a warning sign! And yes, of course it all makes sense: how has the world managed to do without this life-saving information for so long? All the toilets are plastered with advice on how to catch, bin and kill those nasty germs that jump at us whenever we open that door. The power is in your hands! Use that force!

All of which really makes me wonder about the state of the cooker hood in my studio apartment. I have occasionally used the inbuilt light, and now also the extractor when frying my eggs (again today, less oil as per expert advice, yummy!) and each time noticed that the switches were sticky and greasy to the touch. Reaching higher, my fingers encountered a layer of grease surely indicating that this device had never been cleaned in its lifetime. Is that healthy? Is that safe? Aren't kitchens the most frequent sources of fire in the house, and aren't greasy cooker hoods among the best ways to aggravate and spread such fires?

Today the heating at the university was scheduled to undergo maintenance (sounds better than repair, but I don't think maintenance is typically done on a regular weekday) so I decided to work at home, and during a break I took the opportunity to make a little project out of the cleaning of the cooker hood. I had already armed myself with several types of cleaning fluids and cloths at an earlier visit to the supermarket, this was the moment to show how good a househusband I am.

Not the official colour of a bike chain

Cleaning something that is extremely dirty is a very satisfying activity, if it succeeds. It took me an hour, part of a bottle of dishwasher and almost half a bottle of all-purpose cleaner, but the cooker hood looks as good as new! What was brown is now white, and to my surprise the frosted glass covering is now clear glass. Victory!

Flushed with success, I didn't stop there and also cleaned and lubricated my bike once more. The paths and byways of York have the tendency to stay very wet and muddy even though the weather has been rather good on the average. In consequence, my adventures in reaching the York Maze had left the bike covered with mud, which due to the exposed chain was noticeably affecting it. All taken care of now. At the Sport Village this evening I parked my bike next to one of the exact same type, at which point I had the opportunity to see what happens if you do not care about the Health and Safety of your vehicle. May mine last for at least three more months, and may no further parts get stolen!