Having it all

I didn't go cycling today, nor running. I didn't even go to the cinema, though there are some great films showing (read: films with great reviews). Instead I stayed indoors and worked - and not very productively either. Now I regret not taking out the bike. If I had done that I would regret not having stayed indoors and worked.

Obviously I want to make the best of my sabbatical in York, yes. But that covers a lot of ground! So far I have leaned in the direction of experiencing as much of the life here as possible, and I've enjoyed myself a lot while doing that. Another, more professional interpretation of "making the best" is investigating new research directions, taking advantage of the expertise of the people here, starting up new projects. I feel I have done less of that than I should, and as the end of my stay comes in sight it is getting me down. Growing feelings of guilt for not fully taking the opportunity my employer has granted me.

Having it all: appreciate wine, not just beer

The real problem is that I not only want to have it all, but expect it of myself. I am much better at identifying the points where I think I fall short than at celebrating the points where I have achieved something. I'd like to be successful at work, yes; but not to the price of hardly ever seeing my family as some of my colleagues do. (As I write this I realise it might sound very strange, given that I have just spent three months away from home. But that is a temporary thing: I have always avoided career choices that would imply moving to another city or another country while my kids were growing up, and part of my justification for taking this sabbatical is that they can by now cope very well, I hardly see them even when I am at home.) I also want to be a perfect father and a good husband; and I want to keep myself up to speed culturally; and I want to stay current with the news; and I want to keep in shape. All of the above. Is that too much to ask? Oh yes, I want to write entertaining blog posts as well.

Being a perfectionist at heart does not help. Who in this day and age checks his emails for correct spelling? Stupid, stupid - but I cannot stop myself. Time wasted: I could have written another paper, read another book, played another game instead!

Having it all: be a good househusband

It is funny: I have had this topic in mind for a while now, including the title (which in many other posts came last): to be precise, I was thinking of a ballad with this title. Then, while looking up some suitable pictures I fell into a treasure trove, or should I say minefield, of material. Apparently "having it all", or rather the desire to have it all, or even better the feeling of inadequacy for not having it all, is a well-known attitude from which especially the female half of the world is supposed to suffer. I must have a very strong feminine side - or, to my mind much more likely, common opinion has it wrong. Men are just less good at admitting self-doubt. (Oh wait, that is not a useful argument if I want to deny having a strong feminine side. Well, to tell the truth, I don't feel the need to deny that.)

So, what do you think? I should stop whining and get on with it? Fine, I'll do that. In fact I have this pile of ironing to take care of, I'm just procrastinating here.